Susie Frickin' Homemaker: Snot Soap

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your viewing pleasure, we welcome you to another episode of:

Welcome, welcome, and may the odds be ever in your favor! Opps, my bad, wrong character. 

Today on Susie Frickin' Homemaker, I'll show you how to make your own liquid dish soap! Or rather, I'll show you how I made my own liquid dish soap from a recipe from a real homemaker's website that has no affiliation with my blog! Then I'll show you how it all went HORRIBLY WRONG.

What you need:

1 bar of soap, any kind (I used Ivory)

8 cups of water

4 teaspoons of lemon juice or vinegar

Right! Let's start, shall we? FIRST, I used my mandolin to cut the soap into shavings. You can use whatever you have, but my mandolin made it so much easier. Second, I added the soap shavings and the 8 cups of water to a large pot and then heated it over medium heat until the soap shavings had melted, making sure it didn't boil. Then, you take it off the heat, let it cool a little and add the lemon juice or vinegar. I used lemon juice because vinegar just doesn't smell that nice. Lastly, let it cool completely all the way, then pour into your dish soap bottle.

Oh lordy, it all sounds so easy.

I did mine at night, so that when I awoke the next day, it would be completely cooled and I'd be able to pour it in the bottle.

I awoke from my chamber of secrets and made my way blearily out to the kitchen, silently cursing the sunlight pouring through our dining room window and stumbling over several cats along the way. I pulled the lid off the pot and stuck my finger into the liquid soap to make sure it was cool.

*GLOOP*

At least that's the noise I imagined it made. 

Eyes the size of saucers, I exclaimed, "EWWWWW!" and pulled my finger out of the pot. IT HAD SOLIDIFIED!

It looked like grease that had been sitting out too long. Not willing to give up, I got a whisk and started whisking it back into submissive liquid form. No good. I stuck my hands in and started squeezing it, and it did get thinner, but it was then I realized that this stuff feels and looks EXACTLY like SNOT.

So then I thought, "Let's strain it!" I put it in the strainer and put it over a bowl to catch the liquid.

Yeeeaahhhhh, that didn't work.

So finally, I put it back into the pot, poured some hot water in, mixed it up really good with the whisk until it was a very thin snot, and poured it into the soap bottle.

Tried it out, it does do the job, just....snottily. Besides, my Husband thoughtfully does the dishes most of the time for me.

And by that, I mean I make him do the dishes while I sit in the air conditioned bedroom playing "The Sims 3." 

So I poured the extra into a container for refills and called it a day.

Next time on Susie Frickin' Homemaker, how to remember to change the refill in your plug-in air freshener before it burns into it like a permanent piece of the structure!

Ha ha, no, I can't teach you that, I'm just gonna keep forgetting and let that sucker burn. 

Until next time, stay domestacular!