Saturday 14 July 2012

Big Fat Promotion

I am fat.


Now, reactions to that simple sentence vary. Some will gasp and say, "Nooo, sweetie, you're not fat, you're...big boned!" Others will snort and say, "Yeah, that much is obvious." And there will be a few that the word "fat" doesn't faze, and they'll just continue on their merry way, reading down the rest of this post. 


At least I hope.


Now let me tell you that I am comfortable. Not just with the word "fat," but with BEING fat. 


Shocked?


See, as stated before in a previous post, I am supporter of the Size Acceptance movement. The web definition of Size Acceptance is a "a grassroots effort to change societal attitudes towards fat, obese, and overweight people." It means that I believe in loving my body the way it is right now, not five pounds from now, not 100 pounds from now, but RIGHT NOW, as it is.


I believe in acceptance for all sizes, not just for fat people. I believe in exercise and eating well, no "fad dieting" or punishing your body for not being how the world thinks it should be. I believe in loving your body like it's your best friend.


Now, there are always people who don't believe in what you believe, and that's completely normal. But then there are people who are so very against what you believe, they take it and mold it and twist it into something completely different from what you actually mean. That has, of course, happened to me on several occasions, but none confuse my mind more than the belief that I am somehow promoting being fat.


Ahhh, yes. 


Somehow, my believing that you shouldn't hate your body has a few tongues wagging that I promote that everyone should be fat. 


Well, let me just say this.


You got me!


That's exactly what I'm doing. 


Being fat in this world is SO awesome, EVERYONE should be doing it, and I'm going the extra mile to make sure my dream of a fat utopia comes true!





Let's take a look at what the word "FAT" stands for, shall we? 

The "F" in fat stands for "Freedom." Being fat is freeing! When you're fat, you no longer feel the need to wear clothes since you can't find any in your size anyway, so you just run naked through fields of lavender and grain all day, letting your hair flow behind you, rejoicing in your soft, plushy body. 

The "A" in fat stands for "Awesomeness." Wow, is being fat ever awesome in this society! Let me tell you some of the awesome things you'll receive when you become fat:

  • Having to buy two tickets when you fly on an airplane because the airline thinks you're too big to fit into their tiny seat! I love paying more!
  • Never being able to find cute clothes in your size, and when you do, they're unbelievably expensive! Who needs them, we live naked (see the letter "f")!
  • Going on a ride at an amusement park, only to be told (in front of the entire line of people) that you're too big to fit on this ride and must leave! I don't like having fun anyway, and embarrassment is super cool!
  • Getting unwanted weight loss advice from virtually everyone from your family and friends to strangers on the street! Free advice is fat-tastic!
  • Getting dirty looks from strangers every time you eat! Enjoy that salad!
  • Not being able to fit into the bathroom stall at the store because it's made for people half your size! I'll just go in a bush later!
  • Being scared to go to the doctor because every illness you have from that cold to cancer is caused by your weight! My pinkeye will clear up if I lose ten pounds? Awesome!
You can have all this, plus much, much more! From stupid assumptions about you and your health to people yelling things about your body on the street, society is a bag of fun when it comes to being fat! Like I said, "AWESOMENESS!"

Finally, the "T" in fat stands for "Taco." This is a fat secret, and if the Secret Fat Society ever found out that I told you this, they'd revoke my Fat card, but when you come fat, you receive a free taco. Why? Because tacos are delicious.

So there you have it. Freedom, Awesomeness, Taco. 

I've been out there in the world every day, trying to relieve people of the oppression of "thin." I do my best to promote being fat - I picket, I hand out fat flyers and Burger King coupons, I go on Fox News. 

But really, I don't need to do any of those things. Just being OK with my body and going about my business is promoting being fat, much in the way that being OK with having pale skin means you are promoting being white, and feeling good about how short you are means you are promoting not being tall. 

Which all makes complete sense.

So if you ever see me jogging down the street in my cute workout clothes, promoting the fatness that I love so much, don't worry.

I'll be naked and back in the fields in no time. 

With my taco.

















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