Why I Run

People have asked me repeatedly in the weeks since I started my running program just why I have started doing so.

Are you running to lose weight?

Ha ha, NO. I'm not one of those people who repeatedly step on the scale and obsess over every little pound lost. No thanks. I like myself the way I am.

Are you running to make yourself look good to people who see you run?

Have you ever seen me run? Yeah, me neither, but I imagine I look a lot like this.

Only more red in the face, WAY more sweaty and my tiara is more sparkly. Also, gold tu-tu? What is this, the 80's?

 My tu-tu is pink.

I get stares, I get shocked looks, I get smirks. But those are the people that I wink and blow kisses at before jogging my jiggly butt past them, singing "Bootylicious" to myself.

Are you running for your overall health?

I'm sure that's a big part of it!

Then why ARE you running?

Because someday, there may be zombies.

And those people who are staring, shocked, smirking? Well, I have to be able to run faster than them so that the zombies will eat them instead of me.

So let them sit in their cars, laughing to themselves about that fat girl running around the block while they stuff themselves with McDonalds and pat themselves on the back. Because someday, in the future, when the zombies attack, I'll be running past them as the zombies take their McDonald's loving butts down and treat them like a Big Mac. Then I'll be the one smirking, and do you know what I'll say?